Green Gadgets and How I Know I'm Getting Old

I wanted to share with you a couple of the stranger "green" gadgets I've learned about this week:

Elephant Dung Paper
Yes, paper made from elephant poop. Supposedly elephants produce enough byproducts to make 115 sheets a day! And no, it doesn't smell.

No! Shopping Bag Bra
I mean, WTF? I'm trying to imagine the scenario at the check out counter.

I also have a green item that isn't weird, it's just awesome. I was complaining recently of the lousy water pressure in my shower to a friend, and she told me she bought a water-saving shower head from takeashower.com. Takeashower.com, besides being a cutely obvious place to buy a shower head, is more old school than Dunder-Mifflin paper co. You call up the folks at Takeashower.com, aka Water Management, and place your order over the phone. As I finished giving my info to the nice sales rep, he assured me, "Don't worry... we'll get you clean." And it sounded like he really meant it.



A week or so later my new shower head arrived in the mail, and I screwed it into place. The shower I experienced next, after six months of limpid streams of water and having to rub the suds off, was pretty much next to heaven. I don't know how they turned my weak shower into a cleansing blast, but boy, what Takeashower.com doesn't have in website savvy they make up for in shower head tech skills. As they should, I suppose.

Anyway, the fact that I just felt it necessary to write an entire blog post about a shower head, and that there was a subsequent text exchange between myself and my friend's boyfriend about said shower head (Boyfriend: "Awww yeah that showerhead!", Me: "YES!") means only one thing. I am getting old. These are the things old people get excited about.

Shame Stew, Easy on the Onions

On a recent evening I decided to make myself a nice dinner of beef bourgine, because as usual I wanted an excuse to cook with red wine. My first stop was to Balducci's for fresh herbs, mushrooms and beef. I asked the butcher behind the counter for one-third of a pound of sirloin.

"Three-fourths of a pound?" he asked.

"No, ONE-third. Why? Is that weird?"

Shrug.

Was this butcher judging me? So what if I'm cooking for one? Is that so unusual?

"This is about half a pound," he said, holding up a piece of sirloin.

"Ok?" I replied, not knowing if he was asking my permission to sell me half a pound, or just educating me on the cut of meat. But next thing I know, he's wrapping up the not-exactly-cheap sirloin and passing it to me over the counter. Apparently it's not ok to eat for one.



Indignant, I headed to my neighborhood grocery store for the less-fancy staples for this dish, which included frozen pearl onions. Of course, the store has no pearl onions, but after three passes through the frozen section I did find "Stew Mix." This store-brand veggie mix showed a photo of potatoes, carrots, celery, and abundant pearl onions. That should work! Surely you see where this is going...

Upon opening the "stew mix" at home I found, amid the golf ball looking potatoes and icy carrots and celery, exactly ONE pearl onion. Friends, beef bourgine was a bust -- shamed and duped all in one meal. A single onion for a single girl.

Sign of the Times

In the year 2008 I find out that two of my good friends got engaged over the weekend... via Facebook. (I found out via Facebook; they didn't get engaged over Facebook, but expect to see that in 2009). This is just a little too "Web 2.0" for me, though I soon discovered that they did in fact send out a friendly announcement email, complete with an attached photo of their smiling faces, but this communique got eaten by my spam filter. Also very 2008.

"What else is stuck in my spam filter?" I then wondered. And there it was. The email from my local farm co-op telling me that shares in the 2008 crops were going on sale NOW so act fast if you want fresh veggies every week from local farms. I had been so excited to partake in this feel-goodie, localvore, slightly-expensive-given-that- our-whole-planet-is-experiencing-a-food-shortage experience. But thanks to my spam filter thinking my veggie application was some kind of virus attachment, shares sold out and I will be picking up my greens at the grocery store and the farmers market with everyone else. Sigh.

Odds are I would get stuck with piles of swiss chard every week anyway. And what the eff do you do with swiss chard?

Rock and Roll Recipe Radio - Episode 5

For this installment of Rock and Roll Recipe Radio I invited over my friend Scott Gold, author of the new book The Shameless Carnivore: A Manifesto for Meat Lovers. While writing his book, Scott tasted 31 different animals in (roughly) 31 days, so it's safe to say he knows his meat. Scott brought over two different cuts of buffalo meat to my apartment which we turned into buffalo carpaccio, buffalo tenderloin with roasted potatoes, and pan-fried buffalo ribeyes. Don't worry, I prepared some veggies too.





Listen to our cooking here and check out the musical playlist below.

Rock and Roll Recipe Radio - Buffalo 3 Ways With the Shameless Carnivore

Buffalo Tom - Treehouse
Dash Rip Rock - Trapped Inside a Liquor Store With You
Appomattox - Either Way
Harris - Carousel
The Ruby Suns - Oh, Mojave
Deerhunter - Cryptogram
Songs in the Key of Meat - 31 Animals in 31 Days

Read more of Scott's meaty exploits here.

A House I Can Afford in Brooklyn

This house for sale in Brooklyn is probably about the same size as my apartment -- but with a yard! What do you think? It comes with a Murphy bed.



From the listing: "This house, located near the intersection of Ave T and Van Sicklen is believed to be Brooklyns smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway, it's a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28 square metres)."

THE PRICE ? ? ?
You get all this for

ONLY
$179,900.00!

Fantasy Football Bed

Ladies, be thankful that this isn't your bedroom.

Can you even imagine sleeping, let alone getting "romantic" in a bed that resembles a football field? (Ok, maybe you can guys, but I'm talking to the ladies...) Sometimes I see those design shows on TV where they try to incorporate some husband's overgrown baseball paraphernalia collection or model train obsession into the home decor. It usually looks something like this, and if I ever marry that person, well... No I just won't marry that person. Can't do it.

Thank you Fantasyland Hotel for some laughs. Check out the igloo room, the truck room and other delights including the "Canadian Rail" room which kind of just looks like my parents' living room in 1989.

Chia Herb Failure

My mom, an avid gardener, encouraged my green-thumb-in-small-spaces by giving me a Chia Herb garden for Christmas. She picked one up for herself too, and we planted them around the same time to see whose grew better. I’m comforted somewhat by Mom’s reports that her garden isn’t exactly flourishing, but I’m pretty sure it’s doing better than this…



Apparently you need to water them more than once every two weeks. Sigh. But, still wanting a crop of tasty herbs on hand, because I hate picking up a hefty bunch from the store only to use a pinch while the rest turns to ooze in my vegetable bin, I am determined to try, try again. Apartment Therapy has a good, and attractive, plan for a one-pot herb garden that I may give a try.

In the meanwhile, I’ll just have to keep using up that excess mint from the store on mojitos!