Where Pies Go When They Die

While Mr. Homewrecker has been busy rearranging the house plants every day, I've been making myself at home in the new apartment by getting friendly with the oven. Perhaps not the best activity in 90 degree heat...



But I simply had to have pie after watching (20 years late) the Twin Peaks series! Pie and some good, hot, black coffee.



Even though my apple pie looked sort of effed up, it tasted damn good. Especially my homemade crust which tasted a bit like shortbread. Apparently the trick in making a successful pie crust is in keeping the dough chilled, but I managed to create a sticky, lumpy disaster zone nonetheless. If anyone has any pie crust tips to get the dough thinner without it becoming too warm or sticky, please tell me. Perhaps tip #1 would be, don't try to bake a pie in 90 degree heat.

Still, results = delicious, if not attractive. Next I will try my hand at Twin Peaks Cherry Pie, especially now that the fine people at CSN Stores have hooked me up with a time-saving pitter!

Don't Get Caught With Your Plants Down

Almost as if the gods of homemaking were listening (as opposed to the imps of homewrecking who live under my bed with the dust bunnies), I received an offer this week from the good folks over at the CSN network of shopping sites. Magically aware of my need for some new, affordable housewares for the new apartment, they have offered to send me a new clock to adorn the big empty space above our charming-yet-not-functional brick fireplace. Pics of the clock and the living room coming soon as we start to deck out the place.

Meanwhile, the bathroom and bedroom are almost totally put together! Mr. Homewrecker painted the bedroom a pleasing shade of tan and painstakingly restored the beautiful molding to its proper glossy white.

Rather than fight the super yellow bathroom, I embraced it with some coordinating yellow totes from Target mixed with some dark brown baskets. We also took a cue from home & food blogger A Hawk From a Handsaw and disguised the exposed sink pipes with a snake plant. Smart!

Now Mr. Homemaker has been on mission: PLANTS filling every window with green leafy things. He spray painted mismatched pots black to coordinate in the sunny bathroom window.

While I wait for my awesome new wall clock, check out CSN's 200+ specialized shopping sites -- everything from waterbeds to tailgating supplies!

Warm Weather Recipes: Lemon & Rhubarb

With the onset of warm weather here in Brooklyn, and in celebration of a kitchen finally unpacked from the move, this past week I've whipped up two refreshingly fruity treats. Finding rhubarb was a challenge though. Not typically found at grocery stores, I had to trek down to the neighborhood farmer's market -- normally not a big deal, but challenging as I recently underwent foot surgery and am only days out of wearing a surgical boot. But dammit I limped down there, and just when I thought no one had my sought after stalks, the last vendor in the row (a meat vendor, oddly) had a pile at $4 a pound. Success! On to the cooking...



LEMON SQUARES

• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pan
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, plus more for dusting
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
• 4 large egg yolks
• 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
• 3/4 cup fresh lemon juice (from about 3 lemons)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter an 8-inch square baking pan. Line bottom with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on two sides; butter paper.
2. Make crust: Using an electric mixer, beat butter, sugar, and salt until light and fluffy. Add flour, and mix on low just until combined. Press dough into the bottom and 1/2 inch up sides of prepared pan; prick all over with a fork. Bake until lightly golden, 15 to 20 minutes.
3. Make filling: In a large bowl, whisk together yolks, condensed milk, and lemon juice until smooth. Pour over hot crust in pan; return to oven, and bake until filling is set, 25 to 30 minutes. Cool completely in pan.
4. Refrigerate until filling is firm, about 2 hours or up to 3 days. Using paper overhang, lift cake onto a work surface; cut into 16 squares, and dust with confectioners sugar.

Recipe from Martha Stewart's Everyday Food

HSHW Notes: This turned out awesome, and Mr. Homewrecker was super impressed saying they were the best lemon squares he'd ever had! The crust, however, took way longer than 20 minutes to bake. Maybe 40 minutes in all. Not sure if it's the recipe or if my new oven is wimpy. Ditto for the filling -- I left it in an extra 10-15 minutes. Never got around to removing them from the pan to cut into squares. We just keep cutting pieces out of the dish and eating them immediately.

I swear I'm going to save a few for the upstairs neighbors who are letting us share their internet. Right after I eat one more...



PORK WITH RHUBARB COMPOTE AND LEMONY ORZO

Pork ingredients:

• 6 tablespoons olive oil, divided
• 1 1/2 tablespoons ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 2 teaspoons dried rubbed sage
• 2 teaspoons fennel seeds, ground in spice mill or in mortar with pestle
• 2 1/2 pounds pork tenderloins (about 2 large or 3 medium), trimmed of fat and sinew
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Rhubarb ingredients:

• 3 cups 1-inch pieces fresh rhubarb (from about 1 pounds)
• 3/4 cups sugar
• 1/4 cup water

How To:

First the rhubarb: Combine all ingredients in heavy large saucepan. Bring to boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to medium-low; simmer until rhubarb is very soft and begins to fall apart, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. Transfer compote to medium bowl. Refrigerate uncovered until cold, about 3 hours. (Can be prepared 2 days ahead. Cover and keep chilled.) Serve cold.



Then the meat: Mix 3 tablespoons olive oil, ground black pepper, salt, dried sage, and ground fennel in small bowl. Rub oil mixture all over pork tenderloins; place in large baking dish and let stand 20 minutes.

Heat remaining 3 tablespoons oil in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork and cook until browned on all sides, about 6 minutes. Reduce heat to medium; cover and cook until instant-read thermometer inserted into center of pork registers 150°F, turning pork occasionally, about 8 minutes longer for medium tenderloins and 10 minutes for large.

Transfer pork to cutting board; let rest 5 minutes. Cut pork crosswise into 1/2-inch-thick slices; arrange on platter. Sprinkle with parsley; garnish with sage sprigs. Serve with Rhubarb Compote & orzo seasoned with lemon zest and chopped parsley.

Recipes from Epicurious.

HSHW Notes: I was making the pork dish for a food swap with several lady friends, so Mr. Homewrecker advised I make thinly cut, bone-in chops instead so they wouldn't dry out before people got to eat them. I'm not sure if it really made a difference or not, but I gave it a shot. The only real change to the recipe was frying the chops for 3-4 min on each side -- which was a time saver in the end.



There's a shot of my meals ready for swapping. After trading, I came home with a spicy shrimp dish, sesame noodles with poached chicken, a lemony rice and chicken dish and a couple other great summery meals I'll be enjoying all week. Sharing rules! Best of all, the swap hostess has a beautiful roof deck where we sipped Prosecco, munched on grilled garlic scapes, fought to keep one guest's dog from flopping off the roof, and enjoyed a late spring NYC sunset.

Plus she has a box of kittens that need adopting -- come on, you know you want one:



Here's to summer time cooking, baking, grilling and to cute kittens!

Intensely Disappointing

For those who read this blog, you know that I may be sarcastic and self deprecating and frequently poke fun at the stupidity I observe out there. However, those who actually know me would probably say that I'm polite and understanding, perhaps to a fault. I wouldn't call myself a doormat, but I am prone to give people the benefit of the doubt way more than anyone deserves.

And that is why the experience I had with our apartment move last week makes me feel so crazy. I got terrible service from an otherwise highly recommended moving company, and then the manager of the company put the blame on me! Naturally I felt depressed by this situation and spent hours wondering if he was right -- was it really all my fault? Maybe by sharing the story with you, I will clear my conscience and find out from your comments where to place the blame.

Let me start by listing what went wrong:

> the move took six hours to move a 2BR apt 10 blocks
> the movers let our belongings pile up on the sidewalk, quickly irritating our new landlord
> they broke my lamp
> they left behind a piece of hardware for our bed, which my fiance had to go back to retrieve at midnight just so we could assemble our bed to go to sleep
> they LOST MY COFFEE TABLE

There's other things too that may or may not be their handiwork -- a snag on the love seat, a ding in the bookcase -- which could have been avoided had they wrapped or protected our furniture more carefully. But even just losing my coffee table alone was enough to make me want money back, payback, revenge even.

I called the next morning to complain. The manager wanted to know what kind of coffee table, what kind of bed hardware, as if a description would explain why these items did not make it to our new home. He said he would get back to me. This was not the reaction I wanted. Shortly thereafter we discovered the cracked lamp, at which point Mr. Homewrecker got on the phone to give Intense Movers a piece of his mind. After what seemed like a lot of unnecessary arguing, the movers offered us a $40 refund. Hardly even the cost of the coffee table.

So why, you may wonder, was I being told this way MY fault? The truth is, I underestimated how many boxes we were going to have to move. I accurately itemized our furniture, appliances and musical equipment to Intense Movers over email and estimated "15 to 20 boxes" for the rest -- the clothes, the books, the CDs, the towels, the blankets, the shoes, the pot and pans, the etc etc etc that filed our closets and cupboards. In the end it was more like 6o boxes, though most of no more than three cubic feet. I mentioned to Intense Movers on the phone a few days before the move that I thought I may have more boxes than originally thought, and I assumed that would be enough of a warning. At worst maybe they would charge me a fee for the additional stuff -- which they did. Fine.

Now I've hired movers in the past. They didn't ask for a super specific inventory in advance, just a rough idea and a number of rooms being moved. They came prepared to deal with whatever that actually means in terms of boxes. It seems absurd to me that I am the first person in the history of Intense moves who underestimated how many boxes she would have. Once you start upending dressers and digging out closets, it can be shocking how much crap you've crammed in there. But the manager of Intense Movers told me that they've never had this problem before. Really?!

So Intense Movers showed up for my move with only two dudes and a smaller-than-needed truck. I didn't mind that they had to go back for a bigger truck, and I was patient as they slowly moved all our stuff into the truck. I had expected better service for my money, but as I said, benefit of the doubt and all. I just let them do their thing. Plus they were cool guys. Nice guys about my age; a musician and a stand up comedian. White guys from hipster Brooklyn. Guys I'd probably hang out with.

Problem is, "nice" and "cool" a good mover does not make.



The last time I moved, I hired three Russian guys. They loaded my stuff onto their truck faster than I could sweep up after them, protecting my furniture in a tornado of plastic wrap and moving blankets and hoisting things onto their massive backs with inhuman strength. But I gave Intense Movers a shot this time because a friend thought they did a great job with her last move -- being extra careful with her vinyl collection, and related skills hipster movers are expected to have. And yeah, they were careful with Mr. Homewreckers drums, but while they were busy texting about band practice, someone walked off with my coffee table. FAIL.

When I called the manager again the next day to smooth things over and see if I could squeeze more of a refund out of him, he was borderline hostile towards me. I politely owned up to the underestimate of boxes, I allowed for the six hour move, the extra fee -- fine. I wasn't particularly mad about that (disappointed, yes; mad, whatever). But I could not see how losing and breaking my furniture was OK. In his opinion, however, if I had accurately estimated my boxes none of that would have happened. Whaaaa? I mean, sure, if a third guy had been there maybe he would have been standing on the sidewalk in that moment when the culprit walked off with my table. Maybe. Or maybe he would have been texting about band practice too.

In the end I talked them into refunding me a whopping $80, which I have yet to receive. And I swore to destroy them via social media and word-of-mouth. Therefore I ask you to consider when you read reviews of Intense Movers saying they are "cool" and "nice" if that is going to make your move a success as much as "careful" and "efficient" would.

Now that I've explained the entire situation, tell me (if you are still reading) -- am I to blame? Am I crazy for wanting money back, for wanting an apology, for wanting to write negative reviews?

Or is it as simple as LOST/BROKEN STUFF = JOB POORLY DONE?

**UPDATE - June 14, 2010**

After my prolific web bitching about Intense Movers, the owner Matt (who, I stand corrected, is not the guy I dealt with on the phone) called to talk about the situation. I appreciate him taking the time to do so, because really what upset me most was the way Alex (the guy I DID talk to on the phone) handled things. On my end -- lesson learned not to assume that movers will be prepared for the size of my move, in particular flat rate movers, so I should be more accurate in setting up the move to avoid the situation we had last month. On their end -- I hope they've learned not to trust the amateur estimates of their clients and to always send at least three guys to move anything bigger than a studio apt. That would be my advice anyway. That and dealing with unsatisfied customers a little more delicately.

Thank you Matt for the call, and I'm sorry Mr. Homewrecker gave you an earfull. For as much as I've griped here, I don't know how you do it -- heavy lifting all day + dealing with stressed out people like us.

A Rose for Don Corleone

Ok, I'm a day behind on "DIY Wedding Wednesday," but I've been busy packing up the apartment for another move. It will be the 4th home in as many years, but this time we're really planning to settle in, getting married and all. Count on some HSW decor updates soon.

But for now, I'm back with another wedding planning post. I've been exploring the options for DIY wedding bouquets and flower arrangements, and wanted to share some advice and resources.

As you may know, NYC has no shortage of fresh flowers for sale at on almost every block at corner bodegas and neighborhood markets. We even have a wholesale flower district as one user on on the Brownstoner forum tells us: "There are still a few flower markets left in 27th & 28th street between 6th and 7th ave in Manhattan - good deals for bulk." Another user offers advice on hydrangeas, my wedding flower of choice, "to keep hydrangea going for more than 12 hours, you have to smash the stem when you get them home. take a hammer or something heavy and smash the stem. they need that much water. next day, cut and repeat. keep in fridge overnight helps too." Good to know if you are going the DIY route.

My fav wedding craft and decor site Save-On-Crafts has several guides on how to make your own bouquets plus all the supplies you'll need: satin ribbon, floral tape, corsage pins, etc.

After poking around on wedding forums like Indiebride.com, it sounds like mail-order bulk flowers are a good option for the crafty bride too. I have scoped out a couple like fiftyflowers.com and rosesource.com and I think this might be the way to go. No need to run an errand to the flower district -- the flowers come to you!

Has anyone out there tried mail-order bulk flowers before? Let me know your experiences and recommendations. I think I'm going to be going with Rose Source based on customer reviews, their prices and the fact that they can ship the exact pale yellow rose my husband-to-be is requesting. It's hilarious to me the wedding things he decides to have a strong opinion on. Like, I didn't think boutonnieres would be one, but he got this idea that he wants to look just like Don Corleone on the day of his daughter's wedding with a single rose on his lapel which he can sniff dramatically. Only the rose will be yellow, not red, because that's the color he chose for our wedding palate when he got a bee in his bonnet about wanting a pale yellow necktie. What a weirdo, I'm so psyched to be marrying him!



Finally, I wanted to share this great group of images I found on RuffledBlog.com showing single stem flowers on display in all variety of vintage bottles and vases. Those yellow roses will look beautiful in the bottles I've been collecting, like in the photo on the lower right.



To order your wholesale flowers -- from Alstroemeria to Zinnia (ok, not zinnia, but tulips, yes they have tulips) -- click here to visit Rose Source:

Wedding Cake Toppers That Should Not Be

Oh hell no.







The 'Bride "In Charge" Wearing Pants and Groom "Not In Charge" Without Cake Topper' is so not okay:



And then these ones I have no problem with, except that instead of calling it what it is, it's the "Fashionable Bride And Groom Mix & Match Cake Toppers."



I guess "mix and match" is a cute euphemism for gay marriage.

These and many more wedding accessories -- some stupid, some perfectly adorable -- can be found at Wedding Star.

DIY Wedding Wednesday: On the Cheap

Yesterday in a thread I was following on Yelp regarding where to find affordable wedding dresses in NYC, some bonehead dude had the nerve to chime in as follows:

John Q. said, "Any woman who wears a dress that cost less than a thousand bucks deserves to be left at the altar."

Everyone please join me in a collective HOW DARE YOU?!?! to John Q. I don't expect he's headed to the altar any time soon with an attitude like that. Also his profile pic is a pint of beer, so I'm sure he's really hot too.

Therefore, for today's DIY Wedding Wednesday update I thought I'd highlight some of the ways I'm getting creative to stretch our modest wedding budget. Because despite what John Q thinks, you can have a very tasteful, beautiful, and fun celebration without paying the going rate for everything that the Wedding Industrial Complex demands. The toughest part is managing the funds to feed and get-drunk a crowd of friends and family. Unless you plan to invite only your immediate family and your one best friend, once you open up the guest list the costs go up quickly. Since we don't want to limit our party to just our parents and my dozen Mormon relatives (hey at least they won't drain the bar), my philosophy is don't skimp on the food and drinks but search for savings on the things you only need to buy one of. ie: the dress.

THE DRESS

Some girls buy two dresses -- one for the ceremony, and another for the reception. Me, I bought three! Ok, so I'm only keeping one, but I needed to try them all on. I found two contenders online at Unique-Vintage.com, a vintage-inspired store based out of Burbank, CA. They specialize in pin-up girl style, prom dresses and super frilly Barbie doll quincenera-looking gowns. But they also have a great selection of perfectly tasteful wedding dresses with vintage flare. Since the groom and I intend to ride bikes from the church to the reception, I also am saving money by getting a tea-length dress (less fabric!). My third dress I picked up at a sample sale at the Jenny Yoo showroom in Manhattan. Jenny Yoo has a great selection of simple and elegant wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses, so even without sample sale prices, her designs are affordable. The dresses I'm not keeping I can unload at OnceWed.com's used wedding dress forum. Easy!

THE CEREMONY

We've recruited a good friend to be our "minister" since any speech about the meaning of our love will mean more coming from someone who actually knows just why we're meant to be together forever. Instead of someone who is paid to act like they care. I'm also planning to make all my own bouquets (see my last Wedding Wednesday post) to get around the high price of professional florists. I just need to be ready to work with whatever is fresh and available in the flower district the day before the wedding.

THE RECEPTION

My groom and I both grew up being told we were "different" (or when someone was being nice, "creative"), so of course we won't stand to have a pre-packaged wedding. We checked out the standard banquet halls and popular venues but settled on a raw loft space that we can build out however we want. Sure that means 100x more work for us, but undaunted I've made a list of what we need to rent (which is everything), and we've started thinking up ways to decorate that will be more "us" than copious fleur de lis and ice sculptures. I've found a jackpot of decorating supplies at Save-On-Crafts -- willow branches, peacock feathers, glass crystal garlands -- and I refuse to let DIY wedding equal barn themed decor, no matter how trendy twine, mason jars and burlap seem to be on the wedding scene right now. Yuck.

As for the food, we're forgoing the usual special event caterers and going instead for catering-style delivery from our favorite grocery store, Fairway. Just as delicious without the pretense or the hidden fees. Working with a non-traditional party space means we aren't strapped to a limited list of vendors, so we're getting my favorite cupcakes from Baked (much cheaper than their custom wedding cakes) for which my dad is building a decorative tower, and we're staffing the whole affair with a mix of licensed freelancers and talented friends.

One more cost-saving tip for the reception -- offer wine, beer and a signature cocktail or two instead of a full open bar. You'll buy less mixers and less varied booze, and you can make it fun by naming the signature drinks after something inspired by the bride and groom. I'm still coming up with mine, but the groom's is going to be the "Rock n Rye" which is a beer and a shot of whiskey. We can also save on champagne by serving its bubbly, Italian cousin Prosecco instead.

INVITATIONS

I'll blog more about these once I get involved in the actual creation, but we've already picked out colors, fonts and an illustration. Now it's off to the local stationery store to pick out the paper and envelopes. We're skipping the RSVP cards because they are wasteful of paper and they are an added expense. Instead guests will be directed to our Tumblr page (free) where they can RSVP via Google form (also free). The old folks who fear the web can always phone us from their land lines with their reply. Our save the dates, or STDs as I like to call them, cost us a whopping $36 including shipping for 100 custom postcards from VistaPrint.com. They aren't fancy, but they are adorable and informative, and we'd rather spend the big bucks on the "real" invite and not blow our load on the STDs (hahaha).

More money saving wedding tips as I come up with them!